why i started

    "Stand in love!" This phrase has power for me.  True.  "Stand in love?" Is an  invitation to myself  to  surrender? By stepping  into the heart,  I accept the invitation  And surrender  To the ocean of love.

I closed my eyes And go through the movements of tai chi on the beach I want to be invisible Unseen lost in her breast With each step  I suckle on my maker's milk Nourished  I grow With another step  I know nothing but her closeness

  I feel my life is a lie. Nice gestures are but sugar coated agendas Easier for others to swallow. I want to pull out the fibers of lies Woven into my clothes Holding them  together. Without which the clothes will freely fall from my shoulders. And I would be free Naked And me I see a life dotted  with lit candles each one an act of kindness Performed without fine print each one a shamash candle waiting to light another menorah

I walk away with wet eyes Memories Smilies Walk away accepting was never ment to be. Great ful for you leading me  down the dark steps To the  basement of my mind. To see furniture decades ago abandoned forgotten Now time to be cleaned or  taken to the dump. For no longer do they have a space Even in the  forgotten place  in my house. Thank you hun

I could not hear or understand the voice which  guided me. But  at eight years old I went to the rabbi and asked what is God.  I was taken Into a small library lined with books I was told by a Rabbi that I was too young to understand. Now some 60 years later,again  I ask.  What is  God.? For me  I see  him as a man Waiting at  an open window Before I enter My fears call me back. The house is  now hidden I am lost my mind's fields of denials There is the overgrowth with stalks of maise higher then my head. that keep me from seeing where to go or how i got where I am The voice which guided the eight year old still speaks But with age i am losing my hearing I am sure the house with its open window  still stands unchanged He is standing  watching, waiting. In the stillness of the early morning before I am fully woken I might  hear but a single note of his song  we will meet again.

  preliminary Sunrise at the beach for me is place where i have my conversations with god A time place where where the window of communion with the Devine  opens a little wider and an  opportunity for communication presents itself. I am not sure if I am jumping into this religious rabbit hole from which I will never  extract myself? What have I too  loss? Small steps of logic  lead me to a place I can no longer see from where I came. I am at the beach now.  Sunrise is in 20 minutes. A couple of spots of rouge on the horizon. Black storm clouds over head. Like the moth drawn to the flame that will consume it,  I choose the horizons like Pegasus I choose to step through the window and see.  I put one leg though the window. I fear putting my torso through.  His presence is strong.  He  holds the  window open. The dots of rouge are gone while the clouds remain. Until I am ready to step through the window which you hold open I ...

    Love thy neighbor as thyself. And thyself as thy neighbor.            227/2021 - 1 year later I rewrote some entries to document changes. I would like to think that there is less                             emotional regurgitating of doctrine and  a more authentic communication. . I feel instead of creating stories to tell others that I begin the practice  only having stories for God's ears. This is not a practice of avoidance. Nor is it an act of selfishness but of service. I see it as  a way forward in my life.  I choose to live my life as  a practice of God first. Doing so answers the question, "With what will I fill my heart.*          27/2021 My story's define me and bind me. For that security I surrender my freedom. BAD DEAL!! As for         ...